Happy Birthday to ME, now 30!

1 2Today is my 30th birthday.



It feels like it was just yesterday that I was at my 29th birthday event, a great event that my lovely husband prepared, wearing this same dress and enjoying the Diana Vishneva performance which my husband dedicated in my name. I remember coming out of the event, feeling like I was on a mission.

I wanted to be a better person before turning 30. I wanted to be done, once and for all, with my eating disorder past and body image issues, and be healthy inside and out. And I wanted to practice letting go.

And everyday, I have been working on my list, and have been waiting for this day to arrive.

And~ It looks like Baby Logan is also excited about my birthday. I was feeling him moving around all day long. Usually, I would feel him once or twice a day, but today I was much more aware of him. :)


FO: Soho Smocked Dress (Maternity)


Pattern: Soho Smoked Dress from Modern Top-Down Knitting by Kristina McGowan

Yarn: Unknown Brand, Sport weight tweed yarn on the cone. Purchased from Dongdaemun Yarn Market in Seoul, South Korea. (It was a BARGAIN with all caps, $20 for the 2 pound of yarn). Feels like wool blend.

Needles: US 3, 5, and 7 (for the main body).


I was so sure that by the Month 6, I would be huge. In fact, I thought I would start getting huge 2 months into the pregnancy and was sad to say goodbye to my clothes. Oh boy, was I wrong. At week 20, halfway done with my pregnancy, I’m still fitting into all my regular jeans and tshirts. Under my regular clothes, I have a small bump, but only a few people who know about my pregnancy notice. SO! I knew I could take on a somewhat large of a knitting project and finish it in time for my big growing belly.

Well, this project was very fun. I made a lot of modification to fit the upper body to my normal size, and then played around with the hip width to accommodate my future baby bump. I was able to add in sleeves and edging, and still have about 180g of yarn left. Perhaps a matching cardigan for the baby boy?

The front of the bodice still came out a little too big on me. And the deep v-neck isn’t very flattering. I have large bust for my size so the deep v-neck just makes me look really wide. I might sew or crochet in a little lace panel.



Baby Update: It’s a Boy! (Probably)

My husband and I just went to our Anatomy Scan (Week 19) last Friday. And we found out that we are having a boy! Well the technician said that she’s not 100% sure, but she thought she saw boy parts. :)

Since I found out I was pregnant, and got over the initial denial/shock/panic, the first positive thing I thought of was, if it’s a girl, how I can sew and knit her cute dance clothes and send her to ballet and eventually dance together on pointe. If it’s a boy, I can still send him to ballet, but he won’t really dance on pointe or have fun exciting dresses that I can make for him =P

But now that I actually found out that it’s a boy, I am not disappointed. Actually, I’m surprised that I am more excited than ever! I dream about him dancing, playing basketball with my husband, and running around with our doggies. Perhaps, now that I know, this whole baby business seems more real than ever?

Here are some scans from my ultrasound! His face, arm, and feet. The doctor sent me an email today to confirm that everything looks normal so I can go on this trip to Korea!






The thought of needing maternity clothes depresses me still. Perhaps I am still in denial, or that I haven’t felt like a pregnant woman at all yet. Which is why fitting into the jeans I bought 2 weeks before I found out about my pregnancy feels good to me.

Ah.. maybe in a couple of months, when holiday sales start, I’ll buy a couple of items.. like pants.

Knitting a dress for my growing belly

In about a couple of weeks, I’m going to be traveling to Korea to see my family. It’ll be during the weeks 21-22 of my pregnancy.

So far my belly hasn’t really “popped out” yet and all my regular jeans and shirts all fit pretty well. But, I have no idea how I am going to look in a couple of weeks and it’s pretty frustrating to try packing when you don’t know if you’ll still feel comfortable wearing the same clothes.

I AM packing a couple of belly bands and elastic-velcro thing you can attach to my regular pants in case my pants don’t fit anymore during the trip. And, I am knitting on this dress in case I just don’t want anything to do with pants anymore.


The pattern I am using is from Modern Top Down knitting, “Soho dress,” but my gauge is different and I am making a lot of modifications. After I have seen some FO photos on Ravelry, I decided that I didn’t like how the waist was dropped and the hip shaping begins at the end of the waist. That shape just doesn’t work for me. So I am making modifications to fit my body and measurements. AND, the pros is that this will fit me even when I get a little bigger around my belly in few weeks. :)

A long break.. and a big news!

For a couple of months, I took a long break from knitting. It was too hot, and I dealt with some confusing life things during this time–Confusing at first, then things felt more manageable and more exciting as time went by.

We are expecting!

I found out when it was 4th week in, because my body is like a clock-work. I took the home pregnancy test in the middle of the night, and one test was all it took. Two lines! My first reaction was just: “Oh, crap…” The next morning, I told my husband that I might be pregnant. His reaction was even funnier. He just laughed nervously!

For the next 3 days, my days were filled with tears, confusion, depression, and panic. I had been anti-baby for so long, and thought that my life was great as it is. I had been working on getting my life back together after a long battle with anorexia, and coping with my mom’s cancer, determined to get everything done before I turn 30 in November. Something in my head was shouting “MY LIFE IS OVER!” and I cried and cried. I was going to be one of those women who throw up at the table, and get sick all the time for the next 9 months! Not to mention all my past insecurities with body image. Stretch marks? Weight gain? Bloating? And what about ballet? Will I have to quit for a while? Basically a lot of negativity.  :(

Finally on the third day, I went and bought myself a sewing machine that I had been coveting since a year ago: Singer Featherweight 220. I found one on Craigslist, whose owner used to work at Nordstrom as a tailor. Her daughter was downsizing her mom’s collection of Featherweights because that’s all her mom used.

The silly thing is, the sewing machine made me feel like a new person. I loved it, and my mood just instantly got better. I was becoming more hopeful and curious to find out what the baby looked like at that point.

And at each of my doctor’s appointment, I felt better and better, being able to see the baby grow.

What really changed my mood was having NO PREGNANCY symptoms. This is my Week 17 (Month 5), and I had no nausea, no cramps, no swelling, no headache… No pregnancy symptom at all. If I didn’t go to the doctor’s regularly, I wouldn’t even know I’m pregnant. I lost some weight regardless (I blame it on the crazy metabolism), and I only gained a couple of pounds this month, and my belly is still pretty flat. The best of all is that I’m still dancing on pointe. Seriously, NOTHING has changed.

I think this is a strange way for God to show me, “see? it’s not that bad, is it? you were afraid of having babies for so long, and look, it’s really no biggie, you can handle this.”

We’re finding out the gender during the anatomy scan in about 2 weeks. We are definitely excited about that. We even planned a Babymoon trip to Korea to see my parents following the anatomy scan.

So there, expect to see some cute baby knitting in the near future!

A new dress made for SF trip

Last month, my husband and I put the doggies in boarding, and took a weekend trip to San Francisco for a friend’s wedding. We both grew up in the Bay Area (Cupertino!) so going back to norcal is always a treat for us.



I bought this fabric from Fabric.com about 2 years ago. I’m not sure, but I wanted to turn it into a dress ever since I bought the fabric. But procrastination got the best of me–I even finished tracing and adjusting the pattern in the previous week before actually sitting down to sew.





I love the brightness of yellow, and big bold print.